The Lost War of Man’s Search for Meaning

I usually write personal content elsewhere and rarely share my thoughts openly, philosophical or otherwise. But I guess I decided to sit down and write my heart out from all the inspiration I gained from a movie that I watched recently—The Odyssey. And there is an oddly specific reason why. While I have loved every movie Christopher Nolan directed since childhood, I think The Odyssey somehow had a very deep impact on me despite the fact that it is a retelling of the Greek epic. I think the primary aspect that allured me in this movie was the characterization—a very complex set of characters with their very complex individual personalities, the decisions they make, and the consequences they face. While I did love Odysseus, the primary inspiration behind this article is not him (at least not entirely). The most intriguing characterization for me is Sinon. And to be very specific, the character axis of Sinon and Antinous. The reason why I felt particularly drawn to these characters has a lot to do with the personal philosophy I learnt from my own life experiences.

Antinous

The characterization is unique because, from a philosophical standpoint, I think Antinous, Sinon, and Odysseus are the same people. Let me explain. Antinous stands for the privileged brat who could have tasted greatness but never did because he was afraid to take the step. Fear made him a coward, a complainer, and a brat who had a massive ego, victim complex, and entitlement. A coward who thought he deserved better. Well, we all start as Antinous at some point in our lives. Some try to change, but most never do. They carry their privilege with arrogance, they try to exploit others using that leverage, and at the end, when everything starts crumbling, they fold first and fast. They hope they deserve better even in that ruin because to them, they are always flawless. There are many characteristics Antinous stands for, but all of them are negative and could fold into three categories—entitlement, victimhood, and cowardice.

I have met many Antinouses in my life, but the most brutal truth that hit me the hardest is that I am the biggest Antinous in my life who ruined my own self. I had this constant fear of failure that is etched into my personality so badly that I can’t even take a board game failure lightly. Somehow, my whole personality has become about impressing someone around me—my parents, my relatives, or someone out there. I have left many great opportunities and compromised in several ways just because I was afraid to lose and, most importantly, to look like a failure. Somehow, my upbringing always shaped me to think that looking like a failure is worse than death. And hence, I held the highest form of my ego and vowed to become a person who never fails. Who always succeeds. Whose life is flowers and rainbows, and who would do anything for the gratification of those few people while completely losing herself and ultimately ending up in ruins. I spent my entire life being the good daughter, the good friend, a good partner, and so on and so forth. Consequence? Rock bottom. My fear has always been my kryptonite, and it took me too many ego deaths to even realize this. I spent my whole time complaining and blaming everyone, but well, who is the villain now?

Sinon

After going through multiple ego deaths (not a single one, but more than three in three years), something changed in me. And I found alignment with my own self. That is where Sinon comes in. The reason why I find Sinon’s character to be the greatest is because Sinon is the bridge between Antinous and Odysseus. Yes. You can’t be Odysseus without being a Sinon. Let me explain. Sinon is the person who went to war instead of Antinous—but in exchange for some monetary benefits. Sinon was also the same young lad as Antinous. He knew that this was the mission where he would fail (die). But he decided to face it. He knew he would lose himself. He knew he might not enjoy those monetary benefits promised by Antinous. But still, he went for it. Maybe no one would appreciate it, maybe he might not see any benefits; in his heart, he might be as afraid as Antinous, but he still didn’t let any of it stop him. And that is exactly what my ego deaths taught me.

Maybe I will fail miserably. I will embarrass myself. I am running a marathon, not a sprint. And until the finish line, no matter how many times I fall, it ain’t gonna change the fact that I still have a chance to make it to the finish line. And that is exactly the reason why I loved Sinon so much. There is more honour in failing than not trying—as someone who failed a thousand times, I would do it again and again and again because I am on a mission to make it (sounds corny, but no falsehood here!). And the most beautiful fact is, Sinon died in the movie trying to help Odysseus and others. But the rest of the crew won the battle of Troy. Now, one more scene that was interesting to me was where Odysseus meets Sinon in Hades, and there is not the slightest hint of regret on his face. Only betrayal from Antinous. He knew that his efforts carry all the honour that Antinous couldn’t even dare in his wildest dreams.

Odysseus

The man’s search for meaning in life has become a lost cause, and the reason why is that most people aspire to be Odysseus. Capable, worthy, and the wisest. But they hardly put the effort to step out of their Antinous zone. Being a Sinon is not easy. It is all about transformation, ego death, self-work, working hard even when no one is watching, and the willingness to see past one’s own fears. Most self-help books only give words of wisdom, but that is rarely enough to make it. It takes patience to stay in the cocoon, to trust the process, and most importantly, to trust your own self to become a butterfly. But here is where it gets more complicated—breaking out of the cocoon is the most painful part of having the patience to stay in the cocoon. Taking action is more difficult than all the self-work and surrender. The film highlights that a man of greatness like Odysseus also cannot forgo the human traits of ego, pride, and ignorance within his own comfort zone. But what differentiates Odysseus from the rest is the inner strength and his inner discipline that never lets him forget Ithaca despite all the comforts Calypso can offer. That strength and discipline to take action do not come easily, and that is exactly what it takes to become Odysseus—the process of breaking through the cocoon through all that pain and suffering! And after all that, the victory is still not promised. Faith can take you places but also can dissapoint you a lot. Being ready to take it as many times as you can and keep moving - surrendering to the flow is what takes to make it back to Ithaca even if you are Odysseus.

The Man’s Search for meaning in life comes from all that he is willing to go through. Not all that he is willing to escape is the name of instant life. There is no such thing. It is a scam - Navya